Domino’s Pasta Bowls: LORD, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN US?
KFC Famous Bowls. Stuffed Crust Pizzas. The Grilled Stuft Burrito.
Every once in a while a food monstrosity so vile, so cheese-curdlingly repugnant comes along, that it casts a lick of hellfire upon life’s great mysteries. Enter the Domino’s Pasta Bowl. There is no God, and you will die a lonely death after a meaningless life. For $6.99 you can pay Domino’s Pizza to bring one of these flattened demon fetuses to your front door, but why bother? I’ve got the recipe right here:
Step 1: Order a regular-ass pizza.
Step 2: Scrape out the innards with an ice cream scooper
Step 3: Feed the innards to someone you have no respect for. Say, that good-for-nothing son of yours.
Step 4: Go to your local Taco Bell. Order the Grande Nachos. Discard the nachos. Retain the little containers of cheese product. More is better.
Step 5: In a large mixing bowl, combine nacho paste, Kraft Easy Mac, butter, and I dunno, probably salt or something. Heavy cream I guess.
Step 6: Somehow cook whatever was in the mixing bowl, and pour it into the remains of the pizza.
Step 7: Bake the unholy abomination in your mom’s oven. If she hassles you, tell her to take a chill pill.
Step 8: Take that piping hot mofo outta the oven, and dig in, savoring every bite.
Step 9: You FOOL. The carbohydrate disc you’ve created is the one of prophecy.
Step 10: You have now unlocked the door to the gates of hell.
Step 11: Get swallowed into a pit of everlasting despair and mortal anguish.
Step 11: Approach the dark lord with your Pasta Bowl in hand, he will cower before your might.
Step 12: Sit upon your fiery throne, with your black scepter of damnation in one hand, and your Domino’s Pasta Bowl in the other. Watch as your minions tremble in the wake of its cheesy goodness. Rock out with a wicked air guitar solo. GOD BLESS AMERICA.
Unfortunate representation of the bread bowl pastas in that picture for sure – should have never been sent out if it looked like that leaving the store. I work for Domino’s and all the photos I’ve seen on Flickr of the pasta bread bowls look pretty good: http://ameliaswabb.blogspot.com/2009/05/httpwww.html
Jon
June 1, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I got a pasta bowl today, they need to warn you that the oil they pour on it runs out of the box, it got all over my car seat. I am not a happy person, on the other hand the pasta bowl itself is a wonder of flavor and I crammed allmost all of it down, but it is so greasy that I had to stand over the sink and not stop eating to do anything else because with each touch your hands become a mass of oil. Good tasting oil. but no way you can touch anything else, not even a drink, so not only do you have to take the box out with a plastic under it of somekind, but you can not even take a break from eating without soaping up your hands first. good but not sure if worth the effort.
bon
June 27, 2009 at 5:33 pm