The Political Fiend

To my vegan friends:  Sorry.

I just want to take this opportunity to say that I love Thanksgiving food.  God bless those crazy Native Americans for allowing us to decimate the wild game populations of entire Eastern Seaboard.  Now that numerous wild turkey breeds are threatened, there’s nothing left for us to eat but these 30 pound steroid injected monstrosities.  I love turkey, and the more of it that I can shove down my gullet, the better.  More growth hormones, says I!  More feed for these flightless fatties!  Let them not suffer for want of victuals!  I want my turkey big and juicy, with the girthy goodness of Bruce Villanch and the smooth baritone voice of Barry White.  

The only thing I can think of that would perfect this dream of mine would be to feed turkeys Thanksgiving dinners in preparation for Thanksgiving dinner.  Yes. Feed turkeys cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and some sort of god awful casserole.  Oh and pie.  And turkey; feed them turkey.  That way they’ll arrive in your kitchen thoroughly enriched with finger lickin’ goodness.  The applications for this idea are truly endless. Feed ‘em sage.  Boom.  Sage flavored turkey. Feed ‘em maple syrup.  Completely delicious. Feed ‘em oxycontin. Your turkey will be as bitchy and materialistic as an Orange County housewife.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo by Dimus used under a Creative Commons license

This afternoon Politico broke a story that shouldn’t really be a shocker to anyone that understands Sarah Palin’s role within the McCain campaign. First, her role: Attack Dog Barbie Doll. Now the story. Apparently the McCain campaign has been spending a shit-ton of money dressing, primping, preening, and accessorising the would-be veep. We’re talking somewhere in the neighborhood of 150,000 bones, or clams, or whatever. Again, not surprised.

In recent weeks male Palin supporters have been showing up to her rallies wearing t-shirts and buttons reading “I’m voting for the hot one”. Offended? Not Sarah Palin, she takes it in stride. And why not? She’s being hailed by the right as a new kind of feminist: one who balances being a mom, a politician, and totally hot. She was McCain’s last ditch effort to attract women voters, fire-and-brimstone conservatives, and, apparently, horndogs everywhere.

In the eight weeks or so since she hit the national stage, Ms. Palin has said relatively little outside of her pre-scripted talking points, and has fared poorly in her two major network interviews. In recent days, Palin has adopted the role of attack dog, and has served as the foil through which McCain’s negativity has been [ineffectively] bounced toward Barack Obama. None of this is breaking news. Anyone who watches thirty minutes of network news per week can figure that Palin isn’t good for much, except looking good, being snarky, and fucking up her lines.

Hence the big budget duds. How much do you figure the McCain camp has spent on tutors to get Ms. Palin up to speed on world affairs? A helluva lot, I’d wager. How much do you figure Joe Biden’s wardrobe allowance is? How much do you figure McCain is trying to overcompensate for Palin’s shortcomings? Palin is a Barbie. McCain vetted her for maybe a couple weeks, at best. She represents John McCain’s underestimation of every woman in America; an attempt at a sleight of hand that, according to recent polling, just isn’t working. John McCain can throw 10 million bucks at Palin’s wardrobe for all I care. Put a silk hat on a pig… and, well, there you go.

Photo by the News Hour used under a Creative Commons license

After a hiatus of about 4 months or so, I’m back.  I’ve finished law school, and the bar exam is old news, assuming that I never have to take that damned thing ever again.  Things are smooth.

With writers strike continuing with no visible end in sight, Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno have been using opposing techniques, with varying levels of success, at keeping their shows aflot.Leno’s Tonight show has been operating on a business as usual approach, where Leno essentially writes his own monologue, which is structured almost exactly like his pre-strike format, including his ‘Headlines’ and ‘Jaywalking’ bits. Leno came under fire recently for writing his own material, as it violated the strike’s guidelines. He now makes it a point to state that his monologue is memorized and not written down; he does this just about every night. For someone who claims to support the writer’s strike, Leno’s act of pointing out his compliance with the Writers Guild’s requests seems to fly in the face of deference to the strike, it’s as though Leno is complying with the strike, but only begrudgingly so.

Conan O’Brien has been taking a different approach. For one, he’s got a strike beard growing. Every night he’s been devoting the opening of his monologue to expressing his support for the writers and their cause. More importantly however, it seems as though Conan hasn’t been writing a monologue. With all due respect to the writers, this might be the best stuff Conan’s done in a long, long time. In the absence of the writing staff, he’s run completely wild. He now features segments where he spins his wedding ring on his desk, just to see how long he can keep it spinning. On his second night back on the air, he climbed into the rafters above his studio, for no other reason than because he could, and because it was funny. He’s taken up singing with his band, and dancing on his desk in order to keep his audience entertained.

It’s not all fun and games for O’Brien though; it’s possible that Conan’s bizarre way of running his show may be a tiny attempt at forcing NBC to the bargaining table. In the absence of the writers, Leno has managed to retain his format. O’Brien has completely thrown it out the window, in favor of a show which, while funny now, would never pass for late night entertainment in the long run. If the ratings start to slip on Conan’s show, it could spell trouble for the future of NBC late night, as O’Brien is slated to take over Leno’s Tonight Show at the end of his run. Let’s hope Conan stirs up enough trouble to get this boulder rolling.

2008 is here, and I’ve got predictions:

1). Obama will take the Democratic nomination, and the White House.

2). We’ll hear relatively little about E-85 ethanol, except in Chevy ads.

3). The Bush administration will begin covert operations in Pakistan.

4). Al Qaeda will be ruled out as a responsible party in the assassination of Benazir Bhutto

5). Britney Spears will die.